You ever look back on some of the things you did at some point in your life and wonder how the hell you actually survived to your current age?
I have a lot of those moments. One of them involved peeing. Yeah, I know. Peeing. WTF, right?
While I worked on the river we would, of course, have periods of time where the water was low. This generally happened every summer, but sometimes this low water lasted for extended periods of time. Eventually, we would have a raindance. “Raindance” is code for “big party where we all get drunk and naked”. River guides don’t need much of an excuse to get together and drink. Or get naked. Low water was but one reason.
On one such occasion we gathered at a river company and proceeded to get shitfaced. And dance. And lose our clothing. At some point during the night I ended up on the roof of one of the single-story buildings with a few other folks. I actually don’t recall how we managed to get up there, but given that I had a history of shimmying up the balconies of bars in order to sneak in underage, I can only imagine.
We sat up there drinking, talking, and yelling at our ‘subjects’ down below us for some time. Eventually, one of the guys needed to go to the bathroom and proceeded to whip it out and pee over the edge of the roof. I, too, had to pee but unfortunately did not have the capability to whip out my weewee and aim it casually over the side of the roof. I was also far too drunk – and lazy – to attempt to climb down and back up again. Not to mention I found it completely unfair that the guys up there could so easily take care of business.
So, my gal friend and I decided we could too. All that was required was that we go to the very edge of the [sloped] roof, stand on our toes on the edge and squat our asses over the roof and let ‘er rip. Drunk. Staggering, falling down, speech-slurring drunk. Since we didn’t trust our own balance, and rightfully so, we decided to help one another. Hell, I wouldn’t have trusted my balance sober. And, I likely wouldn’t have done what I did sober either.
My friend and I took turns. We faced one another and held hands, one of us with our back to the upper part of the roof, the other with our asses toward the ground. Then we both leaned backwards, our weight counterbalancing one another, allowing the peeing one to literally hang her ass over the edge of the roof and water the bushes below.
You want to talk about trust? THAT was trust. Those damn trust building group sessions had nothing on us. Not only did I have trust in my friend, but trust in my friend’s quite intoxicated ability to keep her balance and laughter in check long enough to not drop my peeing ass off the roof of the building watch me splat on the ground below. .
How did we ever survive our youth? Granted, a one story fall wouldn’t have likely killed me. But it probably would have hurt me pretty good. And I would have been covered in urine to boot. And I just never would have lived that down.